How do you know he is the one?
This is indeed a tricky question. I’m not surprised that a lot of my female followers on Instagram were asking this especially after I announced my marriage. I completely understand that feeling of wanting to know because just two years ago I was also walking in the same shoes. In fact, in my early 20s, I asked a lot of my friends who are married the same question. Because I wondered when would I meet my soulmate? If I was in the middle of knowing someone, I wondered if that guy was the one for me because I didn’t want to waste anymore of my time getting to know someone who isn’t going to marry me.
To be honest, you can never tell if he’s the one just by asking this question to a married person because this isn’t a guessing game and you cannot depend on someone else’s love story to support your path on finding your soulmate. That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned along the way. So what should you do? The best answer is istikharah.
I still remember after breaking up with my husband (who was then my boyfriend) almost 8 years ago I did an istikharah in which had turned my crying nights into calm. For few days straight I cried over the break up, then, just in an instant Allah put my feeling into ease after performing one single prayer – istikharah. I specifically asked Allah if he was my soulmate and if someday we would marry one another, then give peace to my heart, and if not, give me peace too and help me move on from the past. I swear to you, after finishing the prayer, I felt so calm. Although the du'a was too simple, somehow I felt in my heart as if someone was telling me that we’d be together again someday. That feeling helped me went through that tough road peacefully. Alhamdulillah.
I cannot emphasise how much I love this prayer. There are so many blessings in it. Subhanallah. When you do istikharah for the purpose of getting married, it’s about you asking Allah to guide you on making this big decision in your life. Even before my husband and I are married, I did istikharah for different purposes many times. After my previous experience performing istikharah on pursuing studies abroad, I told myself that I don't want to make any big decisions in life without asking Allah first. I believe that if you include Allah in every decision you make, insha’Allah, you’ll never be disappointed.
Despite my explanation on istikharah above, it’s also important to take note that by doing istikharah doesn’t mean that the road you take will always be a smooth sailing with no trials and tribulations. We live in this world where our imaan will constantly be tested. Our marriage can also be tested — even after we do istikharah, because at the end of the day, it’s all about Allah and me, never about my partner and me. Remember that our partner is also sent to us as a test and a blessing. So if you put Allah first, then you will know that the marriage is established to gain Allah’s pleasure and rahmah. However, I would also like to remind us all that everything happens by the permission of Allah. It could be that Allah wants to give us the hardest test in our marriage but also because of His mercy, He could make us feel as if the test is nothing but just a small problem. You will be surprised by how well you manage those tests.
There you go. I hope by reading this, you’ll feel a lot calmer now than you were earlier. Don’t worry, as long as you take good care of yourself, insha’Allah, your future spouse will also be among of those who are taking good care of themselves. All the good things from this post are from Allah and the less ones are from me. May Allah ease your path on finding your soulmate and may He give you a spouse among the righteous people. Allahumma amin.
